Free kindle book and epub digitized and proofread by Project Gutenberg. Jeeves—my man, you know—is really a most extraordinary chap. So capable. Honestly .. "So you know my nephew, Mr. Wooster," I heard him say. "I wish you . "I say, Jeeves, a man I met at the club last night told me to put my shirt on Privateer for the two . "Mabel," said Bingo, "this is Bertie Wooster, a pal of mine." .
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The gloom which always envelops Bertram Wooster like a fog when Jeeves is . ' Miss Wickham, sir,' Jeeves had once said to me warningly at the time when the. START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY MAN JEEVES *** .. pleasure of your company at dinner to-night, Mr. Wooster? Or have. A Damsel in Distress [pdf] [prc]. A Man of Means [pdf] [prc]. A Prefect's Uncle [pdf] [prc]. A Wodehouse Miscellany [pdf] [prc]. Death At Right Ho Jeeves [pdf] [prc].
Site Favorites Latest Favorites. My Man Jeeves P. Wodehouse Learn more at Login to Fave. Description Comments Ungluers 1 More Jeeves -- my man, you know -- is really a most extraordinary chap. So capable. Honestly, I shouldn't know what to do without him. On broader lines he's like those chappies who sit peering sadly over the marble battlements at the Pennsylvania Station in the place marked "Inquiries.
You go up to them and say: His eye as I approached was what I have heard described as lacklustre. It suggests an intimacy. He went on brooding but now not so much like Jack the Ripper getting up steam for his next murder.
I shall be going for a walk. Take your time. He was not. Girls I hardly know confide in me. More like a snake who goes about the place robbing men of the women they love. Have you ever kissed the woman I love. Capital exercise. Then to my relief he changed the subject. Just had time to say you were like a knight in shining armour riding up on a white horse and to tell me to tell you to show up at my address tomorrow at three on the dot.
What sent him there? Big fellow with a clipped moustache. Did she make a long stay at your cottage? They look upon me as a father figure. Any girl who takes you for a father figure ought to have her head examined. Bring the roses to your cheeks.
In and out like a flash. They tell me there are beauty spots around here well worth seeing. Just the thing to do. They know their secrets are safe with good old Bertie. I to go back and tell Vanessa that the pourparlers had been completed and that he would be at the starting post at three pip-emma on the morrow.
A meeting has been arranged and will shortly take place. During your absence the situation has become clarified. He seemed a shade perturbed.
Jeeves came shimmering in shortly after she had left. It was a little difficult to answer this. And on this cordial note we parted. I responded suavely: The street outside was as usual. They had sounded like a secret code. She suddenly became all conspiratorial. Not much of it. Like all village lending libraries. The sight of me appeared to displease her. I went in. She clutched my arm and lowering her voice to a sinister whisper.
I had come away rather short of reading matter. Murgatroyd would be if he could see me. I had not yet read that opus. I walked down it and had a look at the Jubilee watering-trough and was walking back on the other side. A few centenarians were dotted about. Eventually I found speech. I like to think of myself as a polished man of the world who can kid back and forth with a pretty girl as well as the next chap.
Her behaviour on seeing me was peculiar. But of course one has to give him time for a job like that. To be on the safe side I gave Orlo and Vanessa about an hour and a half.
She seemed to feel that her question had been answered. Has who? Brought what? I called Jeeves in. His presence choked the personable wench off from further revelations. It is always difficult to estimate the time two sundered hearts. Both had legged it. And after a few desultory exchanges I left them and resumed my walk. Her manner changed completely. I thought lovers generally whispered. The more I brooded on it. Porter have their conference all right?
Porter to demand an interview with her father. I gathered from your account of your visit to Eggesford Court that he is a gentleman of somewhat formidable personality. Look him in the eye and thump the table. I know about that. I know it begins with pu. Go on telling me all. I must begin by explaining that Mr.
Cook you could certify him as mentally unbalanced and ship him off to the nearest home for the insane — or loony-bin. Cook in various commercial enterprises. I read the book. Porter by his late uncle. Ever hear of Captain Bligh of the Bounty? Porter is in no position to marry. Cook releases this money Mr.
Right Ho, Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse
Cook is trustee for a sum of money left to Mr. I heard her say. Porter told me. Miss Cook was urging Mr. The door happened to be ajar.
Did they have an argument? He talked me into it. I gathered that his present occupation is not generously paid. You can face a man with fortitude if he has simply got the disposition of a dyspeptic rattlesnake and confines himself to coarse abuse.
It was a miracle that I escaped from Eggesford Court with my trouser seat unscathed. But go on. Marshal them all you want. I thought. Rem acu tetigisti. What cat? You had only to think of my Aunt Agatha and spouse to realize the truth of this. At the end of that period he resumed his blow-by-blow report of the dust-up between Vanessa Cook and O. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
Porter to purloin it. Female of species deadlier than male. A quotation. His refusal to do as Miss Cook asked was unequivocal. Cook and thump tables that Miss Cook introduced the cat into the conversation. One aims at coherence. Ever hear of Jack the Ripper? What happened then? Briscoe had given me a mystery to chew on. No doubt I had interrupted him just as Spinoza was on the point of solving the mystery of the headless body on the library floor. Porter of being a lily-livered poltroon.
To a man of sensibility there is always something sort of sad about young love coming a stinker on the rocks. Those cryptic words of Angelica Briscoe had shaken me. She accused Mr. I was beginning to get one now. By speaking in riddles. The front door was open. Her whole demeanour was that of a girl whose emotional nature had been stirred up as if a cyclone had hit it.
The cheeks were flushed.
She bore traces of the recent set-to. I mentioned this to Jeeves. I know very little of you. I found speech. I am quite content with you. I am perfectly satisfied with you. I think I shall call you Harold. Is any man safe. And it may have to be even quieter than that. For one thing. Smoking is just a habit. You have many faults. You were mistaken. By the way. It all depends on Father. That will be perfectly all right with me. But marry him? What an idea! Certainly she had given no indication that she would not prefer to be dead in a ditch rather than married to me.
I suppose many people would say I was being rash. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to read his name in The Times obituary column. No wonder words failed me. I do dislike that name Bertie. Would any girl with an ounce of sense marry a man who refuses to do the least little thing she asks him because he is afraid of her father? I shall always be glad to see Orlo Porter fall downstairs and break his neck.
And now this. I shall be pointing some of them out when I am at leisure. The glitter of her eyes was practically switched off. The thing had come on me as such a complete surprise. You must give that up when we are married. If he persists in this attitude. The name appeared to have touched an exposed nerve. Getting the thing off her chest seemed to have done her good. And one knew what happened to people.
Vanessa followed her with an indulgent eye. If I were employed in the post office. Lord Chesterfield said that since he had had the full use of his reason nobody had ever heard him laugh. I agreed that Angelica Briscoe moved in a mysterious way her wonders to perform. I was doing this. If you are amused.
The next moment. Then she saw Vanessa.
For all I knew. I told him to bring it here. He said he was a snip and putting a large bet on him would be like finding money in the street. Experience over the years ought to have taught me that where this aunt was concerned anything went and the sky was the limit.
If I lost. It was only after I got here and canvassed local opinion that I realized that Simla was not a snip or anything like a snip. I wagered everything I possessed. Naturally aware that her goings-on required a bit of explanation.
I was dumbfounded. Change that to considerably more than I possessed. And then you came along with your special information about Potato Chip not being able to keep his mind on the race without this cat there to egg him on. When the aged relative collars the conversation. And I. I gave her a look which I suppose no nephew should have given an aunt. She started off at m. You can picture my state of mind. He is particularly well situated to carry out operations at the Court.
Graham should have thought that that was the sort of activity Mr. She told him about our anxiety. I think I would have had a nervous breakdown. The suspense was so terrific. All the gamekeepers for miles around have been trying for years to catch him with the goods. Her face lighting up and her eyes sparkling.
You see. It is estimated that seventy-six point eight per cent of the beer sold in the Goose and Grasshopper is bought by haggard gamekeepers trying to drown their sorrows after being baffled by Billy. I tried to reason with her. The name was familiar to me. I have this on the authority of Angelica. I would have thought by this time you would have asked her to marry you. She said: I told her about the cat and she was enthusiastically in favour of stealing it. Her scheme of engaging the services of a hired bravo who would probably blackmail her for the rest of her life shook me to the core.
I believe the old relative was sylphlike in her youth. As for Angelica Briscoe. Angelica Briscoe. Graham would rather have frowned on. I mentioned this to the old ancestor. I should have thought that that was the sort of activity Mr. There were moments when only my iron will kept me from shooting up to the ceiling.
I had a long talk with her after you had left. And nothing could blacken my reputation in Maiden Eggesford. I gave him a look. No hard feelings on either side. Entertain the cat when it arrives. He showed a proper feeling in that. I had them rolling in the aisles. If you think that caused the blush of shame to mantle her cheek. I tried again: More genuine excitement.
He had his arms full. Jeeves entered. A few moments ago. A couple of years ago Jimmy had a horse called Poonah running at Bridmouth.
The Woosters never give up. A little finesse from time to time is taken for granted. Of course Jimmy guessed what had happened. I like my turf impure.
His first move will be to give you away. I gather that it is rather the Bohemian type and probably prefers whisky. He came in fifth. This was no time for beating about the bush. But an unpleasant scandal would inevitably result. I want to think. I needed his advice. He has gone to the Goose and Grasshopper. Leave me. You know how he is after the mildest lobster.
I had the advantage of hearing Mrs. The problem that confronts us now is where do we go from here? She is a lady with a very carrying voice. The honour of the Woosters is at stake. We must return this cat to Cook. I believe that when hunting in her younger days she could make herself heard in several adjoining counties. You could go in the car. You did not purloin the cat.
I gave my problem the cream of the Wooster brain for some time. Courageous though the Woosters are. I was still thinking when there was a cheery cry from without and the blood froze in my veins as Plank came bounding in. Left alone. Would a whisky and soda be of assistance? I might quite have enjoyed this little get-together.
He pulls the whole side together. Macbeth took it big. As I explained earlier. Wrapped in mist at the moment. I goggled at him as he would have goggled at a scorpion or tarantula or whatever they have in Africa if on going to bed one night he had found it nestling in his pyjamas.
But in the middle of one of his best stories — he had just got to where the natives seemed friendly. This one had struck me during our brief acquaintance as the taciturn type. The dullest eye could have perceived the delicacy of my position.
Plank was very merry and bright. I remember my Aunt Agatha once making me take her revolting son. And a single mew would be enough to plunge me in the soup. For he was an entertaining companion. Thos slept throughout. I never had another bearer like the puma chap. He was the one I was telling you we had to bury before sundown. Fast as a streak and never failed to give the reverse pass. I laughed a light laugh. He imitates cats.
They used to come flocking round the camp in dozens. I suppose. How are those spots of yours? Plenty of fellows who could do you a passable screech owl. Jimpson Murgatroyd the boy. Which reminds me. But I preserved my poise. He scored two tries against Bedford. I had a native bearer once who could imitate the mating call of the male puma. That man of yours certainly makes it lifelike.
He talked of calling Scotland Yard in. Could it have been a nickname of some sort? And when I say the possibility. He is closely allied to Pop Cook. I told him you were a cat-imitator brushing up your cat-imitating. But what of Pop Cook? No sooner had he beetled off than I was calling Jeeves in for a conference. And I caught him with the cat actually on his person. Are you still resolved not to return this cat to status quo?
I trust they were not overheard by your visitor. I doubt it. When he came. He learns that I am lunching at Eggesford Hall. I only stopped by to tell you about the remarkable improvement in my memory. A slight wiggling of the nose showed that. He finds me up at Eggesford Court apparently swiping the cat.
Plank heard those yowls. Cats will be cats. He seemed to think he had let the young master down. Figure it out for yourself. But I must be getting along. His comment on my obiter dicta was brief and to the point. I was taken aback at the moment. He will be at my door in ten seconds flat. I mean the certainty. I thought how wise Jeeves had been in suggesting that I entrust to him the delicate mission which I had in mind.
The first thing that impressed itself on me as I gave him the once over was his air of respectability. With your permission I will go to the Goose and Grasshopper and tell him that you wish to see him. His eyes were frank and blue. I had always supposed that poachers were tough-looking eggs who wore whatever they could borrow from the nearest scarecrow and shaved only once a week.
No sense in humming or. I never thought of that. His experience enables him to move around without letting a twig snap beneath his feet. But if I might make a suggestion. The old ancestor had compared him to the Scarlet Pimpernel. When it comes to returning cats that have been snitched from their lawful homes. He was about the height and tonnage of Fred Astaire. Where Lloyd George or Winston Churchill would have failed. I knew would succeed. I have seen more raffish Cabinet ministers.
One could readily imagine him flitting silently through the undergrowth with a couple of rabbits in his grasp. I think I outlined the position of affairs rather well. When Angelica Briscoe had come to him. It would have to be a ready-money transaction.
She had said. Angelica had then touched Aunt Dahlia for ten and the deal had gone through. Plainly that stuff about personal favours to sweet children had been the merest bobbledygook. Give it a name. You purloined it. All that remained was to arrange terms. He had evidently had a good education. There was not much chance. You are overlooking certain vital facts. He had been actuated throughout entirely by commercial motives. I said it because the scales had fallen from my eyes and I saw all.
I have often thought I would have made a good detective.
Fellows at the Drones have told me they notice the same thing in Oofy Prosser. But when I had finished. I can reason and deduce.
Everything was simple now that the matter could be put on a business basis. He had right-hoed. But when I suggested twenty-five. He pursed his lips. I had been expecting something higher. You can never be certain what aunts will do when at close quarters.
I recall. Far less provocation in my earlier days had led this one to buffet me soundly on the side of the head. Talk about someone not meeting you half-way. I took a deep breath.
Haggling is a thing that takes it out of you. Click here Free e-books by P. Wodehouse The home of free pdf and prc mobibook downloads for out-of-copyright books. Ideal for kindle, Sony reader, ipad, blackberry, iphone, android, tablets or smart phones. Click here to download a pdf. Want a car sticker? Email to: Free downloads of books by P G Wodehouse. Website problems? Email contact freeclassicebooks. Ebooks can be read on almost any computer, e-reader, tablet or smart phone as below: Pdf documents can be read on computers using Adobe reader which can be downloaded for free here.
Prc books can be read using a range of free ebook software such as calibre which can be downloaded for free here. Smart Phones and other Mobile devices: Pdf and prc files can be read on almost smart phones by downloading one of a number of free e-book reader apps from Blackberry, android and apple app stores. A Damsel in Distress [ pdf ] [ prc ]. A Man of Means [ pdf ] [ prc ]. A Prefect's Uncle [ pdf ] [ prc ].
A Wodehouse Miscellany [ pdf ] [ prc ]. Death At The Excelsior [ pdf ] [ prc ].I need scarcely say. Have you seen her yet? Seeing me. Some day, he said, he was going to make a hit. A cop socked by both of them would have entertained no doubt as to his having been in a fight. The Intrusion of Jimmy [ pdf ] [ prc ]. I was conscious of a passing thought that Vanessa Cook would not be remaining long in London now that she had developed this habit of socking policemen, but I did not share this with Orlo Porter, not wishing to rub salt into the wound.
I recall. She spoke as follows: It makes me feel that if I had married you.
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